chat snippets and quotes – part 2
j: monty is as much a spaz as you and i.
b: yep.he’s pretty much either of us in animal form. he’s like our spirit guide. our spastic, chicken-shit spirit guide
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l: my belly made a weird noise last night and *** teased me for farting but it really wasn’t! he wouldn’t believe me.
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b: i thought today was friday but i knew it couldn’t be since yesterday was wednesday.
j: if you knew yesterday was wednesday, why didn’t it occur to you that it’s thursday.
b: uh…
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j: where is my list of yummy restaurants
a: I don’t remember them, dude. go anywhere! I ate at this awesome italian place about five times
j: yeah? was it called “this awesome italian place” because if i can’t find it i’m gonna mail you some dead insects
a: it was not called that, no. also: boh
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j: but i did mail you something good before i left vancouver!
a: I cannot wait or as they say in france: “I cannot ze wait”
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j: so this is my first impression of the east coast…as i smelled it. new jersey is an amalgamation of different smells, but ny is just foul. i got out of jfk airport and it reeks. the air just smelled of…stuff. air in vancouver is pristine compared to ny
b: good to know. we’ll stay on the Pacific rim, then?
j: perhaps. maybe perhaps.
b: c’mon…mountians, trees and more than enough fluffy critters to wipe our asses with until the end of time
j: hahaha alright. pacific coast is best anyway. nothing good has come out of the atlantic. i bet pigs originally swam out of the pacific ocean. and that’s why pork is so delicious. such delicious, delicious murder.
b: well, pigs are common on all Pacific Islands!
j: so my theory might have some truth in it!
b: I think so!
Three Things I Learned
This past weekend (July 12-13, 2008) I learned that:
- It is not a good idea to wear a white summer dress to an Indian buffet for lunch.
- That you can get the book “The Art of Star Wars, Episode V – Empire Strikes Back” and pencil crayons (so I can finally start colouring my Star Wars colouring book) for $5 at a yard sale. Also (this is important!) the short Asian girl must be the one that shamelessly haggle down the price.
- If your cat is missing, and there is no way he could have ran outside, check to see if he has turned the bottom cover of your box spring into a hammock.
There has been some interest to see a size comparison of my big cat and myself. I’ve compiled photos for you to see. (Click for a full size view)
Del-Montyzuma’s Quirk #1
Monty is a very clean cat. He grooms himself constantly (despite his beard getting in the way most of the time), he never has “dingle berries” (which I’ve been told is common for long haired cats), and he sweeps after himself. During and after he eats, he uses his fuzzy front paws to sweep all food bits and dust under his food dish. When I sweep up at night, I simply have to lift it and sweep up the collected dirt. It’s awesome! See below!
Chat Snippets and Quotes – Part 1
Every once in a while, I’ll be posting chat snippets and quotes that are memorable (to me), funny (to me) and perhaps offensive (to everyone else) from conversations that I had. Presenting, the first installment in what I hope can be a recurring series on this blog.
If you have any you’d like to share, please email it to me in private so I can disguise the participants with completely misleading letters that in no way hint to their actual identity. Enjoy!
b: you’ve got bbq sauce dripping and all over your face.
j: nom nom nom.
b: i love you.
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l: we’re part hot young couple, part geriatric
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b: don’t worry. my dad is gonna love you
j: you don’t know that! i could like…burp and fart and scratch my bum infront of him! then he’ll be like: “oh…go get your money back, this filipina bride is defective.”
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l: beware the granny lust
j: the what now?
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j: aaaw you’re in luuuurve
l: you think?
j: i don’t know…you tell me. being in love is like…having an orgasm or a yeast infection. you’ll just know, there’s no maybe.
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b: I don’t like her– she upsets you and therefore she should go catch cancer
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j: also, did you know that ***’s water broke last night? no word yet on how she is doing…
a: omg omg omg. I was wondering what was happening. I hope she’s okay I hope she brought my eyepatches.
j: eyepatches?!
a: yeah, I sent her a birthing care package. with a soothing votive candle. and four eyepatches for her and *** to share
j: what for?!
a: in case they didn’t want to watch. they’re pirates of the caribbean eyepatches too. so they’re stylish. and I sent her this electronic racing game so she can practice her driving. and some chocolate and some zinc for *** because I always push zinc on him.
j: why zinc?!
a: why not
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b: dear sweet merciful buddha, if only I could force choke people…
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j: damn it’s so cold and windy. why am i so cold?
b: your jacket is unbuttoned.
j: oh…i think i’ll leave it open.
