chat snippets and quotes – part 2
j: monty is as much a spaz as you and i.
b: yep.he’s pretty much either of us in animal form. he’s like our spirit guide. our spastic, chicken-shit spirit guide
+
l: my belly made a weird noise last night and *** teased me for farting but it really wasn’t! he wouldn’t believe me.
+
b: i thought today was friday but i knew it couldn’t be since yesterday was wednesday.
j: if you knew yesterday was wednesday, why didn’t it occur to you that it’s thursday.
b: uh…
+
j: where is my list of yummy restaurants
a: I don’t remember them, dude. go anywhere! I ate at this awesome italian place about five times
j: yeah? was it called “this awesome italian place” because if i can’t find it i’m gonna mail you some dead insects
a: it was not called that, no. also: boh
+
j: but i did mail you something good before i left vancouver!
a: I cannot wait or as they say in france: “I cannot ze wait”
+
j: so this is my first impression of the east coast…as i smelled it. new jersey is an amalgamation of different smells, but ny is just foul. i got out of jfk airport and it reeks. the air just smelled of…stuff. air in vancouver is pristine compared to ny
b: good to know. we’ll stay on the Pacific rim, then?
j: perhaps. maybe perhaps.
b: c’mon…mountians, trees and more than enough fluffy critters to wipe our asses with until the end of time
j: hahaha alright. pacific coast is best anyway. nothing good has come out of the atlantic. i bet pigs originally swam out of the pacific ocean. and that’s why pork is so delicious. such delicious, delicious murder.
b: well, pigs are common on all Pacific Islands!
j: so my theory might have some truth in it!
b: I think so!
Chat Snippets and Quotes – Part 1
Every once in a while, I’ll be posting chat snippets and quotes that are memorable (to me), funny (to me) and perhaps offensive (to everyone else) from conversations that I had. Presenting, the first installment in what I hope can be a recurring series on this blog.
If you have any you’d like to share, please email it to me in private so I can disguise the participants with completely misleading letters that in no way hint to their actual identity. Enjoy!
b: you’ve got bbq sauce dripping and all over your face.
j: nom nom nom.
b: i love you.
+
l: we’re part hot young couple, part geriatric
+
b: don’t worry. my dad is gonna love you
j: you don’t know that! i could like…burp and fart and scratch my bum infront of him! then he’ll be like: “oh…go get your money back, this filipina bride is defective.”
+
l: beware the granny lust
j: the what now?
+
j: aaaw you’re in luuuurve
l: you think?
j: i don’t know…you tell me. being in love is like…having an orgasm or a yeast infection. you’ll just know, there’s no maybe.
+
b: I don’t like her– she upsets you and therefore she should go catch cancer
+
j: also, did you know that ***’s water broke last night? no word yet on how she is doing…
a: omg omg omg. I was wondering what was happening. I hope she’s okay I hope she brought my eyepatches.
j: eyepatches?!
a: yeah, I sent her a birthing care package. with a soothing votive candle. and four eyepatches for her and *** to share
j: what for?!
a: in case they didn’t want to watch. they’re pirates of the caribbean eyepatches too. so they’re stylish. and I sent her this electronic racing game so she can practice her driving. and some chocolate and some zinc for *** because I always push zinc on him.
j: why zinc?!
a: why not
+
b: dear sweet merciful buddha, if only I could force choke people…
+
j: damn it’s so cold and windy. why am i so cold?
b: your jacket is unbuttoned.
j: oh…i think i’ll leave it open.
