Chat Snippets and Quotes – Part 1

Every once in a while, I’ll be posting chat snippets and quotes that are memorable (to me), funny (to me) and perhaps offensive (to everyone else) from conversations that I had.  Presenting, the first installment in what I hope can be a recurring series on this blog.

If you have any you’d like to share, please email it to me in private so I can disguise the participants with completely misleading letters that in no way hint to their actual identity.  Enjoy!

b: you’ve got bbq sauce dripping and all over your face.
j: nom nom nom.
b: i love you.

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l: we’re part hot young couple, part geriatric

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b: don’t worry. my dad is gonna love you
j: you don’t know that! i could like…burp and fart and scratch my bum infront of him! then he’ll be like: “oh…go get your money back, this filipina bride is defective.”

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l: beware the granny lust
j: the what now?

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j: aaaw you’re in luuuurve
l: you think?
j: i don’t know…you tell me. being in love is like…having an orgasm or a yeast infection. you’ll just know, there’s no maybe.

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b: I don’t like her– she upsets you and therefore she should go catch cancer

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j: also, did you know that ***’s water broke last night? no word yet on how she is doing…
a: omg omg omg. I was wondering what was happening. I hope she’s okay I hope she brought my eyepatches.
j: eyepatches?!
a: yeah, I sent her a birthing care package. with a soothing votive candle. and four eyepatches for her and *** to share
j: what for?!
a: in case they didn’t want to watch. they’re pirates of the caribbean eyepatches too. so they’re stylish. and I sent her this electronic racing game so she can practice her driving. and some chocolate and some zinc for *** because I always push zinc on him.
j: why zinc?!
a: why not

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b: dear sweet merciful buddha, if only I could force choke people…

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j: damn it’s so cold and windy. why am i so cold?
b: your jacket is unbuttoned.
j: oh…i think i’ll leave it open.